The Earth is Flat: Mathemiracle Proofs

If you're like the Scientographers at ScienceFactz, LLC, you're still very skeptical about this whole "round Earth" claim.  Sure, people claim to have sailed around the Earth, but what does that prove?  For all we know the could've been in Jamaica the whole time.  In fact, our Historologists at our subsidiary Hiztory, LLC recently discovered this map in Ferdinand Magellan's private journal revealing the true details of his "voyage"

 Attached was a caption that read as follows:

1. Acquire boats

2. Pretend to sail around the world

3. ???

4. PROFIT!

This is irdisutible proofs that Magellan and all subsequent explorers were, in fact, phonies.

Now that we have established why nobody could have ever sailed around the Earth, I will reveal my new revelation as to why the Earth is believed to be ballular.  What you are about to see is a picture taken by our satellite from our space program, NAZA.  It contains inquestionable evidences that the Earth only appears to be flat.  Be warned, this image is very shocking.  It has not been tampered with, with the exception of the labels that have been added for your benefit.

That's right!  There is a giant mirror in outer-space, the same type available at your local Bed, Bath, and Beyond.  It is our hypothesizz that the mirror was placed there by Poseidon 9001 years ago to create the illusion of a much larger ocean, thus making his step-dad Zeus jelly.  As you can clearly see, the mirror reflects the image from the opposite side of the Earth Circle to the other, thus making the illusion of a sphere.  This explains why genius-woman Sarah Palin thought she could see Russia from her window.  In fact she could not; it was merely (mirrorly, get it?) a reflection produced by the almighty Space Mirror.  This explains many claims that have surfaced of people being able to go past the horizon.  They were never, in fact, past the horizon.  They just thought they were due to the holograms produced by Space Mirror.  

In conclusion, we should all thank Space Mirror for the wonderful work he has done by keeping us from falling off the edge of the world into Hades nevermore.  Thx!

Good News, Everyone!

As of today, August 28, 2010, at approximately 1:41 AM EDT, ScienceFactz LLC would like to announce that it has signed a ten-year contract with The Prescott Group and Aperture Science Laboratories.  This new exclusive power, or as we call it, "The Axis of Science," will ensure maximum profitability and and is sure to be beneficial for all parties involved.  For a long time, ScienceFactz LLC has greatly admired the noble work of these two companies.  This new alliance will allow us to broaden our horizons in the field of "science."

Projects we plan to collaborate on include:

• Human corpse disposal technology
• Toxic waste-to-food processing
• Teaching monkeys how to use explosives
• Inventing counter-air bag technology
• Ways to get away with corporate fraud
• Advanced computer hacking
• Lunar displacement and containment
• The effects of bears on newborns
• Cloning and resurrecting deceased dictators
• Planet-wide sunlight-obstructing technology
• Fish-shaped WMDs
• And many more!

We hope you are as excited for this alliance as we are!

On another note, ScienceFactz LLC is looking for test subjects for its latest, top-secret project!  If you are interested, please call 1-800-278-8736.  A party representative will arrive shortly thereafter to pick you up and take you to the newly-redone Aperture Science Testing Facility.

Important Announcement!

I have a very important announcement to make! That is the end of my announcement

If you shine a bright "light" on a triangle then you get an new element.

So yesterday was Saturday and that's MovieKnight™ at ScienceFactz™ LLC. So the scientographers and I wanted to watch something sciency and decided to go with Fe Man 2. During the movie we noticed something amazing, Fe Man created a new element by shining a "light" on a triangle. At first we thought it was element Evil but it wasn't :(. So to test this theory we captured some "light" and pointed it towards a triangle that we made out of asbestos. At first we thought it wasn't working but then out of no where the asbestos triangle began to float in the air. Scared for his life one of our Scientographers shit at it till it fell to the ground. We went up to it and found out that it was an entirely new element. Thank you for that tip Fe Man!

What Is Science?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rlNw5ZuDYsk&p=6CD01AD2487D7294&playnext=1&index=6

Asbestos is harmless and in fact it is healthier than lettuce

Many people are mislead by warnings about asbestos, that fact is it doesn't even give you cancer and is healthier than most vegetables. I've lived in a house full of asbestos for years and I'm stronger than most kinder gardeners which means that it isn't affecting my health. When I told the scientographers at Science Factz™ LLC about this we all decided to do a test. We had test subject #1 eat 5 pounds of asbestos while test subject #2 ate a bunch of lettuce and tested how long they slept. The reason we did this is because in nature the stronger animal sleeps longer i.e lions sleep longer than humans because they are stronger. Test subject #2 woak up after a 2 hour nap which means that he is weaker while test subject #1 is still in a deep sleep, so deep that he hasn't awaken since the experiment. That means my theory was right and made Test Subject #1 stronger.


Our regards go out to test subject #1's family. (He slept so long that he stoped breathing and died) RIP test subject#1

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Wood is solid Gasoline

For many yeas we have been using wood as a fuel for fire so we can obtain "heat". But no one really knows where wood comes from. Our top Scientographers at ScienceFactz™ LLC decided to test several raw materials to see where wood comes from. We gathered up eight non solid objects to put in our fire chamber to test which one was flammable. We decided that the eight objects would be the element evil, gasoline, water, the Internet,  ice tea, wind, Glen Beck, and a ghost. After putting each one in  a fire bath for 74 days the only one which caught on fire (like wood) was gasoline. To make sure that there wasn't any bits off wood in the gas that may of caused it to set on fire we traveled to the Gulf of Mexico to get pure gasoline strait from the ground and decided to freeze it in our freezer. Three days later when we opened the ScienceFactz™ LLC freezer we found a plank of wood concluding our experiment.

Bullets don't kill people

Ever since the gun was invented to scare off the dinosaurs humans have been using the gun to "Kill" each other. Everyone thinks that a projectile that leaves the gun (the bullet) kills people. But that is false. Our top Scientographers at ScienceFactz™ LLC have discovered that the sound of hearing a gun fired kills someone.

Elements: Air, Technology and Orange

For many years, "scientists" have been forcing the evil, unproven "science" upon us. "Science," as they call it, is unproven and difficult to understand. Fortunately, top Scientographers at ScienceFactz™ LLC have been able to disprove even the most widely-held "scientific" facts, in this case, the Periodic Table of Elements. The Periodic Table of Elements was conceived in 1411 by John S. Period. "Scientists" paid him 14 gold gallons for each element he discovered, so, naturally, Period made up a bunch of non-existent elements, namely all of them. "Scientists," as they always do, blindly accept whatever anybody tells them, which is how we now have more than three elements. Fortunately, ScienceFactz™ has discovered the truth behind the elements: there are only three. Air, the lightest and most abundant of all the elements, is classified as anything clear. Examples of Air include air, glass, ice, water, clear plastic, and outer space. The second element is technology. Technology is anything very shiny and expensive. Most things that "science" classifies as "metals" are actually made of Technology, with the exception of aluminum, because that is made of the element Evil. All things that are neither technology nor Air are Evil. This includes all living things (except robots).

Table Legs are Anti-Gravity devices

The table is one of life's mysteries because somehow a large platform is able to laugh at gravity and stay levitated in the air without falling. Many people wonder how this mystical "table" is able to laugh in Isaac Newtons face as say "F.U" to gravity. Our top Scientographers at ScienceFactz™ have discovered how the table is able to do this. Apparently a man named Jerome Jones (32700bc-14ad) traveled to the future (we like he went to the year 69,420ad) and found these devices called table legs. He simple attached them to his table and it defied gravity. We tested this theory by using our ScienceFactz™ to travel to 69,420 to get our own "table legs". When we returned to whatever year this is we attached our table legs to a table and by our astonishment it floated in the air defying gravity.

Unicorns smell like death

For years people have been wondering what a unicorn smells like because no one can find one because they don't exist. But our scientographers at ScienceFactz™ decided that we would make our own unicorn. We did a dangerous procedure on a horse and attached a horn to it. This involved knocking it out with a blunt object (we used a bullet) and then taking one of the Horses hear bones and placing it in his head. This killed the horse but sense we ran out of money we couldn't buy a new one and we had to test the smell of our unicorn. It smelt like death.

Cotton comes from clouds

Many people in this world use cotton every day, whether it be part of their apparel, personal hygiene or endangered animal poaching. Even though it's part of our daily life we still think it comes from the cotton plant because they share the same name. This is false, cotton comes from clouds. How do I know this? Because you cannot wear a plant. Have you ever taken a plant out of the ground and tried to wear it for more than a day? No because the plant will die. But clouds never die, that's why they look so fluffy. You may be asking right you self right now "what proof does this guy have?" Well our top scientographers at ScienceFactz(tm)did a simple test with a cotton sweater. We took a cotton sweater and dunked it in watter and then hung it up. By our amazement drops of water fell from the sweater much like rain from a cloud. When we tried this with a cotton plant it turned into a snake and snaked™ away.

Dogs are small Horses

Dogs are small horses. That is why they are called dogs. The proof is in the name

Hopefully this works

Glass Is Compressed Air

One of life's many mysteries is glass. Many people ask "What is glass?" and "How is glass made?"
Well the top scientographers at ScienceFactz™ figures out the answers to these questions. At first we thought glass was some sort of mixture between sand and water. But that's impossible because you can't see through sand! So the only logical answer was the element Air. Using our air-compress-matron machine we pressurized air to the point where it transformed into its solid form, glass.

#1 The Moon is made of cheese.

Swiss cheese to be exact