Elements: Air, Technology and Orange

For many years, "scientists" have been forcing the evil, unproven "science" upon us. "Science," as they call it, is unproven and difficult to understand. Fortunately, top Scientographers at ScienceFactz™ LLC have been able to disprove even the most widely-held "scientific" facts, in this case, the Periodic Table of Elements. The Periodic Table of Elements was conceived in 1411 by John S. Period. "Scientists" paid him 14 gold gallons for each element he discovered, so, naturally, Period made up a bunch of non-existent elements, namely all of them. "Scientists," as they always do, blindly accept whatever anybody tells them, which is how we now have more than three elements. Fortunately, ScienceFactz™ has discovered the truth behind the elements: there are only three. Air, the lightest and most abundant of all the elements, is classified as anything clear. Examples of Air include air, glass, ice, water, clear plastic, and outer space. The second element is technology. Technology is anything very shiny and expensive. Most things that "science" classifies as "metals" are actually made of Technology, with the exception of aluminum, because that is made of the element Evil. All things that are neither technology nor Air are Evil. This includes all living things (except robots).

Table Legs are Anti-Gravity devices

The table is one of life's mysteries because somehow a large platform is able to laugh at gravity and stay levitated in the air without falling. Many people wonder how this mystical "table" is able to laugh in Isaac Newtons face as say "F.U" to gravity. Our top Scientographers at ScienceFactz™ have discovered how the table is able to do this. Apparently a man named Jerome Jones (32700bc-14ad) traveled to the future (we like he went to the year 69,420ad) and found these devices called table legs. He simple attached them to his table and it defied gravity. We tested this theory by using our ScienceFactz™ to travel to 69,420 to get our own "table legs". When we returned to whatever year this is we attached our table legs to a table and by our astonishment it floated in the air defying gravity.

Unicorns smell like death

For years people have been wondering what a unicorn smells like because no one can find one because they don't exist. But our scientographers at ScienceFactz™ decided that we would make our own unicorn. We did a dangerous procedure on a horse and attached a horn to it. This involved knocking it out with a blunt object (we used a bullet) and then taking one of the Horses hear bones and placing it in his head. This killed the horse but sense we ran out of money we couldn't buy a new one and we had to test the smell of our unicorn. It smelt like death.

Cotton comes from clouds

Many people in this world use cotton every day, whether it be part of their apparel, personal hygiene or endangered animal poaching. Even though it's part of our daily life we still think it comes from the cotton plant because they share the same name. This is false, cotton comes from clouds. How do I know this? Because you cannot wear a plant. Have you ever taken a plant out of the ground and tried to wear it for more than a day? No because the plant will die. But clouds never die, that's why they look so fluffy. You may be asking right you self right now "what proof does this guy have?" Well our top scientographers at ScienceFactz(tm)did a simple test with a cotton sweater. We took a cotton sweater and dunked it in watter and then hung it up. By our amazement drops of water fell from the sweater much like rain from a cloud. When we tried this with a cotton plant it turned into a snake and snaked™ away.