The Earth is Flat: Mathemiracle Proofs

If you're like the Scientographers at ScienceFactz, LLC, you're still very skeptical about this whole "round Earth" claim.  Sure, people claim to have sailed around the Earth, but what does that prove?  For all we know the could've been in Jamaica the whole time.  In fact, our Historologists at our subsidiary Hiztory, LLC recently discovered this map in Ferdinand Magellan's private journal revealing the true details of his "voyage"

 Attached was a caption that read as follows:

1. Acquire boats

2. Pretend to sail around the world

3. ???

4. PROFIT!

This is irdisutible proofs that Magellan and all subsequent explorers were, in fact, phonies.

Now that we have established why nobody could have ever sailed around the Earth, I will reveal my new revelation as to why the Earth is believed to be ballular.  What you are about to see is a picture taken by our satellite from our space program, NAZA.  It contains inquestionable evidences that the Earth only appears to be flat.  Be warned, this image is very shocking.  It has not been tampered with, with the exception of the labels that have been added for your benefit.

That's right!  There is a giant mirror in outer-space, the same type available at your local Bed, Bath, and Beyond.  It is our hypothesizz that the mirror was placed there by Poseidon 9001 years ago to create the illusion of a much larger ocean, thus making his step-dad Zeus jelly.  As you can clearly see, the mirror reflects the image from the opposite side of the Earth Circle to the other, thus making the illusion of a sphere.  This explains why genius-woman Sarah Palin thought she could see Russia from her window.  In fact she could not; it was merely (mirrorly, get it?) a reflection produced by the almighty Space Mirror.  This explains many claims that have surfaced of people being able to go past the horizon.  They were never, in fact, past the horizon.  They just thought they were due to the holograms produced by Space Mirror.  

In conclusion, we should all thank Space Mirror for the wonderful work he has done by keeping us from falling off the edge of the world into Hades nevermore.  Thx!

Good News, Everyone!

As of today, August 28, 2010, at approximately 1:41 AM EDT, ScienceFactz LLC would like to announce that it has signed a ten-year contract with The Prescott Group and Aperture Science Laboratories.  This new exclusive power, or as we call it, "The Axis of Science," will ensure maximum profitability and and is sure to be beneficial for all parties involved.  For a long time, ScienceFactz LLC has greatly admired the noble work of these two companies.  This new alliance will allow us to broaden our horizons in the field of "science."

Projects we plan to collaborate on include:

• Human corpse disposal technology
• Toxic waste-to-food processing
• Teaching monkeys how to use explosives
• Inventing counter-air bag technology
• Ways to get away with corporate fraud
• Advanced computer hacking
• Lunar displacement and containment
• The effects of bears on newborns
• Cloning and resurrecting deceased dictators
• Planet-wide sunlight-obstructing technology
• Fish-shaped WMDs
• And many more!

We hope you are as excited for this alliance as we are!

On another note, ScienceFactz LLC is looking for test subjects for its latest, top-secret project!  If you are interested, please call 1-800-278-8736.  A party representative will arrive shortly thereafter to pick you up and take you to the newly-redone Aperture Science Testing Facility.

Important Announcement!

I have a very important announcement to make! That is the end of my announcement

If you shine a bright "light" on a triangle then you get an new element.

So yesterday was Saturday and that's MovieKnight™ at ScienceFactz™ LLC. So the scientographers and I wanted to watch something sciency and decided to go with Fe Man 2. During the movie we noticed something amazing, Fe Man created a new element by shining a "light" on a triangle. At first we thought it was element Evil but it wasn't :(. So to test this theory we captured some "light" and pointed it towards a triangle that we made out of asbestos. At first we thought it wasn't working but then out of no where the asbestos triangle began to float in the air. Scared for his life one of our Scientographers shit at it till it fell to the ground. We went up to it and found out that it was an entirely new element. Thank you for that tip Fe Man!

What Is Science?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rlNw5ZuDYsk&p=6CD01AD2487D7294&playnext=1&index=6

Asbestos is harmless and in fact it is healthier than lettuce

Many people are mislead by warnings about asbestos, that fact is it doesn't even give you cancer and is healthier than most vegetables. I've lived in a house full of asbestos for years and I'm stronger than most kinder gardeners which means that it isn't affecting my health. When I told the scientographers at Science Factz™ LLC about this we all decided to do a test. We had test subject #1 eat 5 pounds of asbestos while test subject #2 ate a bunch of lettuce and tested how long they slept. The reason we did this is because in nature the stronger animal sleeps longer i.e lions sleep longer than humans because they are stronger. Test subject #2 woak up after a 2 hour nap which means that he is weaker while test subject #1 is still in a deep sleep, so deep that he hasn't awaken since the experiment. That means my theory was right and made Test Subject #1 stronger.


Our regards go out to test subject #1's family. (He slept so long that he stoped breathing and died) RIP test subject#1

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